Among Schoolchildren

A couple of weeks ago, I sat down to read the book Among Schoolchildren by Tracy Kidder. As I read page after page, I was in awe of how accurately Kidder portrayed the life of a teacher. Tears welled up in my eyes as I relived the highs and lows that come with teaching. It was a great comfort to feel as though finally someone could understand the consuming anguish that I myself experienced! Anyone who has worked with urban youth or is familiar with urban schools can relate to the stark realities of this environment and must read this book!

At one point, Kidder talks about a student named Clarence who is a typical failing "problem student." The teacher makes it her mission to see Clarence in a new light and give him a clean slate. This story really hits home because it reminds me of one particularly troublesome student, who I tried time and time again to reach. If you ask any teacher, they will have at least one of these students. There were days when the frustration of constant failure on my part was just too much for me to bear and other days when I could do nothing but kick back and laugh with him about whatever crazy distraction he was using that day in class. Kidder encapsulates this tension in a way that send chills up my spine.

"Her face was very close to his. Her eyes almost touched his tear-stained cheeks. She gazed. She knew she wasn't going to see a new Clarence tomorrow. It would be naive to think a boy with a cume [cumalitive record] that thick was going to change overnight. But she'd heard the words in her mind anyway. She had to keep alive the little voice that says, Well, you never know. What was the alternative? To decide an eleven-year-old was going to go on failing and there was nothing anyone could do about it, so why try?" (Kidder, 1986, p.11).

I don't know what the future life of my biggest "problem" student will be like, but I will never forget the moments of utter frustration or the moments when he was able to really shine. While I am still completely passionate about teaching, at the end of last year I ended up quitting my teaching job and taking a year to focus on graduate school. I waiver back and forth about whether this was cowardly or brave. I know I couldn't have survived as a teacher at the school another year and maintain my sanity, but these students have become used to teachers who are constantly giving up on them. I think about my students often and am at a loss about what I can do in the face of such a huge achievement gap in Boston schools.

While I don't know what the solution is, I know that inexperienced idealistic teachers are not enough. Passion and enthusiasm are not enough to equip a teacher to deal with the day to day realities of managing an urban classroom. On top of that, I was faced with the issue of race and privilege in my identity as a teacher. The fact that I was a white female of privilege teaching in a predominately low income school composed of mainly black and Hispanic students was an important part of my daily interactions in the classroom. While I genuinely wanted to help all my students and in particular the "problem students," there is a fine line between good teaching and a desire to "save" these children. If you think about students as needing to be "saved" it places the teacher in a hierarchical relationship that contributes to further injustice. Children don't need to be "saved." What they do need is a just school system that gives equal opportunities and resources.

Next year, I will work at a charter school in Boston that has some of the highest test scores in the state. It's mission is to cultivate good teachers as a way to close the achievement gap. I do believe in the school's mission, but still am left with questions about the best way to approach education in an urban environment. I was struck with an uneasy feeling when I came across a parent comment on a school review website about the school. The parent discussed how the discipline system was too harsh and proceeded to say that "the approach is the great white hope for little black kids." If we are to create lasting change in Boston schools, we have to acknowledge the long standing issues of race and oppression that have led to the current state of schools.

I am left with no answers, only more questions... Even if there are no answers, I am interested to hear other people's experiences working with diverse urban youth as I continue to shape my own perspective.

Welcome

This blog started out of a conversation that I had with my awesome friend Kate. We talked about just how hard it is to stay connected to a community of people who care about and like to engage in conversations about social justice issues. The title comes for a quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. who said "Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted." I feel this quote really hit home with my personal struggle to be counter cultural while still being able to work towards my career and life goals.

Now, I find more and more that I wish for a space to share ideas about what it means to live out social justice values in everyday life. My vision for this blog is to have people who can challenge each other’s thinking and share ideas about issues of importance. I am open to thinking about larger scale injustices such as racism within society or smaller issues about how to make just choices in terms of the food we eat.

I would love to collect a handful of people who would like to be blog authors and post articles or conversation topics from time to time. So let me know if you are interested in being a part of this blog or feel free to just read and comment!